Worst pieces of advice I have received as a new mom

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The other day I went to visit my cousin at the hospital as she had given birth to a beautiful baby boy. I’m an introvert who would do anything to avoid a public gathering. But a gathering to welcome a new baby is my favorite kind.
I absolutely adore babies. Seeing a part of my cousin and her husband in the baby just made my heart melt. The new dad’s smile and the light in his eyes as he sees the baby, the awkward new mom trying to figure out the whole “mom” thing, just makes me feel like a ball of mush.

So everyone is looking at the baby, smiling at each other, telling their congratulations when one of the “Aunties” had to open her mouth, so out can come absolute GARBAGE. Right then I had a little flashback.

I remember as I was lying on the bed with my baby by my side and hearing one these lines “ In our times we didn’t have the luxury of giving birth in a hospital room that had a separate bathroom. We peed standing, onto the floor. (Thanks aunty for an amazing image that’s going to haunt me forever).

“You haven’t felt any pain” she continued. “Pain is what WE felt when WE gave birth”. Hearing this after going through labor, which in my opinion is what death might feel like. I honestly didn’t think I would make it through labor alive. I looked at my bedside table to gauge how much it could weigh and if I could throw it because I think it would look pretty on her head. Lucky her, I was too exhausted!

Little did I know that this was the start to some terrible parenting/mom opinions and advice that I would be exposing myself to. Here are a few I have heard more than once which made absolutely no sense and could not be more far from practical.

Sleep when the baby sleeps

You probably have heard or read this somewhere as well. This advice is applicable to you, if you are the queen of your land with more than 10 maids to help you with everything you need to get done. If not, you better get stuff done when your baby naps. If I slept when my baby slept I would get nothing done. This means no bath, laundry, food NOTHING!

Baby stage is the easiest because they are not that mobile

Yes they are not that active, but their mouth is. They will cry and you will have no idea why. You will hold them, swing them, try moon walking with them but they will not stop. Toys are of no use with babies because they do not understand the concept of them. You cannot make funny faces because they do not know what a normal face looks like. They are totally dependent on you, so no one can help you. Honestly I found first 6 months to be the toughest

Whenever a baby cries, stuff more food or milk

Older ladies seem to think that “hunger” is the only problem a child has. If he cries, feed him. If he isn’t sleeping well, then the reason is hunger. If he’s clingy, he’s hungry. If he’s acting stubborn, he’s hungry. I kind of wish this was true. This would mean that if I just kept feeding him, I would have a calm, relaxed and a happy kid but that is definitely not the case.

If a baby cries continuously it’s definitely Satan’s curse and not colic.

My son, until he was about 6 months would start crying once it got dark and go on until he was too tired and fell asleep. This went on for a few months and I had some amazing advice come my way. It was definitely the Satan they said. “Try taking a few chilies and salt In your hand, circle this around your baby’s head 3 times and put it on fire. Do this for 9 days”. I mean come on!
By the way when I consulted a doctor he told me that he would just grow out of it and he did.

Using eyebrow pencil on a baby makes their eyebrows grow thick

People have their own preferences, I understand. No judgments. According to me a baby’s face is beautiful the way it is. Why would you dress them up in cute pink or blue outfits and add all the dots and commas with kajal on their face, making them look like a confused monster.

When I told this to my aunt as she dipped her not so little finger in kajal and drew eyebrows on my baby she said “He will not grow eyebrows if you don’t do this every single day”. I just smiled and looked at my baby and thought “ Oh boy! I will have to use something industrial strength to get this off of him.”

These are a few pieces of advice that I’m never going to pass on to a new mom. Please share if you have heard any of these as a new mom or any other advice you thought were equally bad. I would love to hear them.

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